I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
