I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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