he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
