do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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