I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
