i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize