The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
