I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
