ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize