Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
