can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
