Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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