My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
