i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
