1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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