She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Floor bacon is actually really good
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