Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
