I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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