Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
