thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize