just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
