We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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