Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
