The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
