I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
