I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
