Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
