Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
barbara walters just said penis...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
