We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
