i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
