I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
