How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
