Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
