even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
