Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
