this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
