Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
