You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
