it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
