So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
