that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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