Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
