I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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