just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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