Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
