just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
