we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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