I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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