no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bring money and cleavage
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
