I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
