Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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