Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
