So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
