he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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