there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
