Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
