i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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