hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
