she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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