I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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