Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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