I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
