i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
im on a boat
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