He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The Olympian is in my bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
