Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
