I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
