Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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