Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
