saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
