The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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