all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
