trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
